Dance your life freely

Lethargic days

2011-03-24T12:48:00.001+08:00

It have been a happening 3 days of work week.

Monday:
Got a lift from my colleague and as we were driving down, the car went over a block in e middle of the road and there we go, a punctured tire.

So a call was made and as we waited, we continued our conversation. Finally after half an hour or so, they came and kept taking pictures before knowing the situation. They asked if we have a spare tire and we said no, but, they managed to find it! And it shocked both of us. Lol!

After they changed the tire for us, they said e spare tire is smaller thus, we need to drive to places that will have tires to change. It was past 8 then. We tried to find but failed so my colleague decided to be a gd girl to nt speed. Lol. I was home and she went home too.

Moral: relate this issue of women nt knowing a secret compartment where a spare tire is placed and spare tire is normally smaller than normal tires to the extra marital affairs. I think it definitely make sense! Lol that's may be how extra marital affairs came abt?

Tues:
I don't know why it was so hectic. The AS kids were dismissed early and normally time passes slow. Yet, this fateful day, it passed help out fast! And before I realise it was 4 and the kids Hav to switch classes etc, the kids have a math qns that made my mind block. Alright, to be truthful I hated this type of and cuz I dunno how to do!

So the kids went to another lesson and after that came telling me the solution. And their tone was so proud that I dunno hw to do. I felt bad cuz I felt they look down on me! And that made me so sad...

Wed: a series of unfortunate events! Nt enough teachers and I was so tied up and I was so busy when the events jus came one right after another! That totally drained my energy. And I cried after talking to my colleagues. I need assurance that nt knowing hw to do qns is fine and nth much...

In e end after talkin to them for 1 and a half hour, lesson for half hour, and settling issues, colleague drove me home and it was 8 pm. A long day and I really felt drained up...

Well it is jus the beginning.. but I do hope that the talk was helpful... hopefully...

Till then...

posted from Bloggeroid

Updates

2011-03-23T07:12:00.000+08:00

I almost forgot about my blog and when I came in here again, I realised I had not been updating since January. I must be really busy =)
Since the day I joined Pro Teach Education, it's been a lot of work and excitement for me. Although it's busy, I felt happier and feel that my life is more fruitful now. Up till this day, I can proudly and confidently say that I enjoy my work to the maximum.

I have also started my degree programme and this is definitely draining my energy more... well, for some comfort, my quiz and tma were pretty good.

Perhaps I shall try to blog interesting bits whenever I come across them to keep the blog alive. Anyway I jus downloaded the Blogger app in my phone...

So I'm blogging on e go!

posted from Bloggeroid

Reflections of 2010

2011-01-02T23:33:00.004+08:00

2010 has not been a really good year for me and before I welcome 2011, let me look back to the whole year:

2010 is:

when I started to work as a fully trained AED

when I celebrated my 21st birthday (treated like a princess, great surprise from Dar and friends)

when I started feeling worthless in the class

when I'm given more opportunities in work

when I'm feeling helpless and hopeless in work

when I really get closer to the teachers, my RO and VP

when I decided to quit and leave MOE

when I decided to join SFI and work as a QA Executive

when I met great ppl like Jie Hong, Siew Ching, Xian Lei, Shu Mei (dar's pri sch friend) and Jack etc

when I was faced with challenges in work

when I argued with Warehouse Manager and cried

when I took leave that is totally not during peak period (during school holidays)

when I took mc a few times for minor sickness

when many of my friends turn 21st

when I visited the SG Flyer

when I played in USS

when I celebrated christmas with SFI colleagues

when my last day of work in SFI is 31 Dec

when I celebrated New Year with great friends and buds in JB - Thistle

when Dar spend more overnights at my house

when our relationship got better and better

when we argued a few times

when we get crazy a few times

when I alway poked him when he laugh at me

when I enjoyed him laughing at me

when we went Tioman for our 2nd Year anniversary

when we picnic-ed in Sentosa, using the ice box, making crepes and drinking choya in the morning for the first time

when we planned for Taiwan Trip in Jan 2011

when we applied for HDB flat but rejected the offer when we went down to select the flat

when I treasured and enjoyed every single moment with Dar

when I always lean on his shoulders automatically on the escalator

when I got my first branded - longchamps bag

when I got my 50L Backpack

when I spent 100++ bucks in Gmarket on polaroid items

when I lost all 6 games of Bingo

The ups and downs in 2010 forced me to grow up and grow stronger.

It showed me the reality of working life.

It proved me wrong in my decision to leave MOE and join SFI.

It made me stronger in SFI when I see and experience the different attitudes of people.

It made me realised that QA is definitely not my cup of tea.

And in 2011, I am back to teaching life. I have totally no idea what is in store for me but I hope it will be a good one. I am stronger now after going through 2010.

Bring it on!

New year resolution for 2011

2011-01-02T14:35:00.002+08:00

You are the best director of your life.

Stay on my job for 1 year and more.
Do well for my degree programme.
Spend more time with my family and treat them better.
Be more caring and tolerant towards my dar dar.
Attend as many friends' gatherings as possible.

Great Welcome to 2011

2011-01-01T21:16:00.007+08:00

I haven't been updating for some time due to the exciting events that occur during the last week of 2010!

Christmas 2010

I had a good Christmas celebration in office (SFI). It's the first and also, the last. The food was alright and the gift exchange was exciting =)

Presents!!! Wee!

Group Photo!! =)

Universal Studio Singapore

A great day spent in USS! I would say the rides are not fantastic and the waiting time is really =.=!! We waited an hour for a boring ride of 1 min. That's how USS will be. However, the man made scenery and all the staff make up to the waiting time! It's really quite nice!

New Year Countdown 2011

Awesome!

Well, though the events were not really planned, all of us had a great time! Let the pics do the talking! Perhaps, we can do a 'shop and cook new year eve dinner competition'! Maybe a trial session in the mid year? =)

I'm in New York?!

The Gals!

Group Photo!

Yummmm Seng!

The golden hair spray is out again!

心情日记：The last week of 2010 ended with a blast for me. The whole year hasn't been a great one, but I'm happy it has ended and ended off well. In 2011, I shall not gamble nor try my luck with money because my luck is not with me in 2011! (Lost in all BINGO games!) It's time for me to reflect and sit down to plan out my new year resolution. Lastly, my mood is still very high and I would really want to thank my friends! =)

Stand up for yourself

2010-12-22T20:38:00.002+08:00

How many times do you feel like you are being wronged?

How many times do you feel that you are being treated unfairly?

How many times do you curse and swear at a certain person because he/she did not help you when you know they have the ability to?

And, how many times do you regret not standing up for yourself?

However, many of a times, we choose not to stand up for ourself, hoping that one day you will be given the fair treatment and judgement. Moreover, we do not want to hurt the relationship with our colleagues. Then we ask ourselves, why should we care so much?

That's very ironical. Yes, indeed it is. And, that's totally how I'm feeling right now.

I can curse and swear, but I still don't want to speak up because I don't want to sour the relationship, I want to leave peacefully, with colleagues behind me, not enemies. Yet, I still can't take it lying down because I felt I'm being treated totally unfairly and totally ridiculous!

So, all i can do is to count down and pray for the days to end NOW!

心情日记: Feeling totally overcast, feeling that a thunderstorm is brewing within me but is retreating back again. My beloved and friends are those who assist in retreating the gathering clouds and bring a smile to my lips again.

5 Things I've learnt for the week

2010-12-19T23:00:00.001+08:00

5 Things I've learnt for the week

Colleagues are just colleagues. You can grumble, laugh, eat and play with them anytime but should not expect them to stand by you when it involves standing up for you.

If you want to resign, get your leave approved first, NEVER vice versa!

幸福可以很简单. (It's easy to be blissful)

Do not let your thoughts go wild when you are feeling sad, it just make it worse. Distract yourself with other matters.

If you are a 'shu la' (coward), you will just get pushed around ('cause I am). Fight for yourself!

Mustafa Centre

2010-12-19T20:37:00.002+08:00

It's Mustafa Centre time! I cannot believe that we actually spend $90++ in total! That is totally unbelievable! A lesson learnt is that do not browse and browse, take and take and pay and pay when it is just cheaper by a few cents! LOL

Needless to say, both of us were kind of in a world that is different. It's a cross culture day for us when we experience their culture and food! =) Food is fabulous for sure!

The air in Mustafa centre is very humid as there were many people and too many goods on display! The aircon is not strong and after walking a few rounds, we were both out of breath and very tired.

Lesson learnt is that we should not go unless necessary. LOL!

心情日记 : As the weather today says - Sunny and humid! It's been a sunny and tiring day spent together with Dar Dar. Both of us were having backaches and lugging many heavy things. Although it's tiring, but definitely worth it when you are with your beloved. =)

Sentosa

2010-12-19T00:49:00.002+08:00

Simplicity is bliss in disguise =)

Today marks the second year and six months since 18 June 2008, the day when we get together, again, yes again =) I guess this is one of the reason for us to treasure each other more.

We woke up early and off we go to Sentosa for tanning cum picnic session. However, the sun was not strong so I guess the tanning session is strike off. Our picnic session is FABULOUS!! =)

After that, we went to RWS area to take a look and both of us were just camwhoring around RWS!

It seems exciting inside and I can't wait to go in! 30 Dec, please come quickly! I can't wait to get in to play and take pictures and more pictures!

心情日记 : Quality time spent together always makes me smile again and again =) It's the day I never want to forget and never fail to make to me: 'I love you!'

2 yr 6 mths

2010-12-17T22:30:00.001+08:00

'I Love you' - dedication by Dar Dar at the suntec fountain.

That's my gift from him! Actually I didn't get to hear it clearly, so that's quite sad for me. Lol

It's finally the weekends and I'm so gonna go to Sentosa tomorrow for some sun and picnic session! Totally looking forward!

I got a gift for the Christmas gift exchange finally!

心情曰记 - excited and blissed

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Bored.Busy.Bee

2010-12-17T08:20:00.003+08:00

I didn't have time to update my blog for the past three days (if I'm not wrong).

Things I'm up to:

- Work (bored and doing up templates for Yr 2011)

- Plan Taiwan (finally done!)

- Online Shopping (imagine I just spent $104++ on polaroid films, pens, case and stickers!)

- Buy KOI, Drink KOI!

- Grab super cheap deals in office (staff sales)

- Playing 打蚊子,吃大便 game to beat Dar's score!

- Awaiting for Christmas arrival!

- Farewell Dinner with Jie Hong, Ms Lee, Ah Lay and Ah Siong =)

- Super excited for 30th to arrival! (RWS!!!)

- Counting down to the end of 2010 and the end for me in SFI!

That's what I'm up to the past few days. It's been tiring as the last day for me is so near (on the calendar), yet so far in fact. My temper is getting shorter and I am trying to control it. It's hard when they just take my leaving as a cowardly act, not able to take up to it. You are not in our positions! In what position are you to say that we are enjoying and the work here is really easy and relaxing? Why do we always compare to the past. What has past means it's the PAST TENSE! People are less clever in the past to do so many tiring matters whereas, now people are not. Yet, over here, we are evolving but in a super slow speed!

Well, to be truthful, I do have to admit that the job here is pretty relaxing when things don't come to you, and we pray for just a mere 12 hours in a day. However, it just get hectic when everything just come at one go, then we pray for more than 24 hours in a day.

Having a sense of belonging in the company really have an impact on how long you may stay in that company. Sadly, I do not have a sense of belonging here as the boss does not see me just like I don't see her either. What is worse is that I don't see things eye to eye with her or sometimes, my supervisor (and all I do is to act it out as if I agree).

Anyway, I shall not dampen the spirit since it's the holiday season anyway! =) I am planning to buy Christmas gifts for the gift exchange in office and also to some of my 密密情人. It's the giving season!

Mood for the past few days: Feeling good and excited

Days left in SFI: 7 working days

Taiwan makes me giddy and crazy!

2010-12-12T21:56:00.002+08:00

When I woke up in the morning, the first place I went is the toilet and then a 2nd and 3rd time... After watching Doraemon and rested at the same time, it's wash up time and I moved my room's furniture again! LOL

After moving the things, my back hurts again =X So all I do next was sitting in front of my computer and it's taiwan planning time again. Also, video call with Dar =) LOL

I totally spent the whole day planning it and I am still not happy. However, the good thing is that the accommodation is finally settled =))

So I'm totally beat for the day!

And I really hate it that it's work tmr... There's still so many more days before my last day arrive... Please speed it up!

Mood: Feeling good =)

Narnia is better than Harry Potter

2010-12-11T21:44:00.005+08:00

I had a wonderful hangout with my Dar Dar today. Although there were some misunderstandings the day before but I'm glad it was thrashed out.

Before the hangout, was out with parents to pray.

After buying the movie tickets for the evening Narnia show, we went lunch and started planning out taiwan trip =) It's definitely quality time spent together! After planning for approximately 4 hours, we were totally brain dead, seriously tired.

Narnia 3D is not worth the money because it's not full 3D. However, the show is definitely much nicer than Harry Potter =)

Today is definitely a great day for me =))

love it to the max!

Grateful:

- We thrashed things out

- Planned Taiwan (Hualien)

- Have each other's company

- Accompanied my parents

Sad:

NIL

Tell me why!

2010-12-10T22:20:00.003+08:00

Grateful / Happy:

- Had nice 菜头粿 for breakfast

- Able to go home at 6pm

- Had nice and delicious dinner at Dar's house

- Home early

Sad:

I finally understand that colleagues are just colleagues. Never, never expect or treat them like true friends. Yes, go for lunch, talk, laugh and play, but at the end of the day do remember, they are your colleagues. There isn't a need to be so truthful and share your deep down thoughts with them, for a simple reason, you never know when they will let it all out.

I can't understand why I can't just leave amicably after resigning. Yes, I'm silly enough to take leave only after my resignation but NO one told me such system existed! Then everything turns awkward now. I know from her point of view that she has to do this, but please, if you do treat me as a colleague, shldn't u try to just let me go? anyway, it has passed.

What should I do?

2010-12-09T20:55:00.002+08:00

Grateful / Happy:

- DSTA inspection is smooth sailing

- Planned Taiwan Trip a little

- Dar bought KOI!

- Yummy and FREE Turkey tasting, yummy! First as well as the last time.

Sad / Pissed:

- My leave was not approved due to really STUPID reason / system and I wanna fight back because I was not informed of such system. Yet, there is one saying, 'Leave is subject to approval'. So I guess I'm STUPIDER if I fight back. What's more, I'm told to waste my RWS tix. WTF! well... well...

Disconnect to Connect

2010-12-08T21:11:00.002+08:00

I watched a video in Facebook called, Disconnect to Connect, that relates the communication and connection via hand phones and face-to-face.

Hand phones allow us to connect with everyone, including your close ones virtually. So do people prefer to connect with their friends and love ones virtually or face-to-face? As we disconnect from our hand phones, how many actually realize that they are finally connecting with their love ones face-to-face.

This video does have great meaning and impact. We always thought that hand phones are tools that connect people together, but is that the truth? I'll leave this question open for your own thoughts.

That's for my part 1 post for the day =)

Grateful:

- I had a nice lunch today

- I'm able to rant out stuff about work

- I get to go home at 6pm

- I went threading my eyebrow

- Love it when my Dar called

Sad:

- The contents of the talk weren't a nice one. It just makes me unhappy. It's like guys getting pissed with their gf started talking abt how handsome and great their idols are. It doesn't interest them and it doesn't make them happy. It's the same when guys say these to their gf. I'm not pissed (that's too strong), I'm just unhappy and I can't really describe the exact feelings.

- Informing and asking has difference right?

'Please stop maligning me!'

2010-12-07T20:32:00.002+08:00

As I'm counting down to my number of days left in SFI, I can't help but confirm my decision is a right one. The bad part of this job is that you just get malign easily.

The moment someone twist his/her words around and you have lost. I wonder if my face says, "please malign me or I'll bite you." It's not a very nice feeling knowing that your superior actually believe the person who lied and not you.

I'm trying to tell myself not to take it too hard but sometimes it's difficult? But anyway, I'm leaving so I shall just let it go.

In another note, I think I'm really a coward as mentioned by one of my friends. I don't dare to fight back and when I have doubts, I don't dare to ask. When I know about it, it's a little late. I don't fight for my benefits and I just take it when it's there, thus, if it's not, I don't ask. And now, getting leave during my last service month is like impossible when I do have 4 more annual leave left?

That's all for grumbles today.

Grateful:

- My Dar made me healthy and delicious breakfast! Yummy! Will you make it for me again?

- I finished my reports for the month and sent out what was necessary.

- I am able to hold back my temper.

- I brought the prawns home.

- I had very nice mushroom with vege!

Sad:

- I got maligned

- Leave matters

Counting down

2010-12-06T21:00:00.003+08:00

I feel so tired today and I have no idea why thus I blame it to - MONDAY BLUES!

On the other hand, I am counting down to the last day of work in SFI, not that I hate working there, but more of wanting to know what my future holds at Pro Teach.

Grateful:

- I survived Monday successfully

- I finished my monthly reports (left with little ends)

- I settled one hanging issue at last

- I accepted Unisim offer and paid for my 1st semester finally!

Nil sadness and that's an achievement I think =)

05 Dec 2010

2010-12-05T22:15:00.002+08:00

Mood: Happy

Siew Siew is starting this blog again after so long for a simple reason

- to record bits and bits of my life and make it big one day.

I want to make it more positive and happy and not negative and sad.

The more I try to think positively, the happier I will become.

I'm grateful today: =))

- I got to wake up late

- I met Dar for a swim

- I get to eat Tau Suan

- Dar bought me 紫菜 =)

- I broke my record in the 打蚊子，找大便 game

- Mummy cook delicious 面线 for dinner!

- I gave my blog a new look and start.

I'm sad today: =((

- Romeo Tan only got 4th for 才华横溢出新秀 2010

I learn:

- Living my life fulfilling is easy, it's your mentality!

SUCKS!

2009-06-25T21:29:00.003+08:00

hate it when they quarrel
hate it when he shouts for nth
hate it when I got in unreasonably
hate hate hate!

i know how to reflect but do you know
always raising your voice for no reason
thinking you are forever right
thinking you are so pitiful
but why didnt you think about others

i wonder why u are a man when ur thinkings are of a woman
why don you jus change ur sex
don come and act pitiful
don act in front of me

why scold me when ur voice is so loud in the first place,
why don't you think abt ur tone,
pushing all the blame to me.
it's none of my business.
i didnt do anything!
i said it but u repeated.
WTF is this!

is there true love for your children i ponder.
or is it all money
am i ur business? or a daughter?
hoping to get money back after the years, nagging all abt money!
thinking you are such a great person, that you have done so much.
well, you have done that much and i'm grateful.

but i'm not feeling good when i'm being nagged and reminded abt how much u did.
it made me feel that it isnt that much after all and all i have to do,
is to repay by money, not by love.
cuz in ur eyes and heart,
i wonder is there love.
or do u even know what is love after so long of living.
the values you taught, SUCKS! cuz all you talk abt is money!

if money = love,
well, i am just so unfortunate to be here, in this world.

busy

2009-05-23T00:15:00.002+08:00

Finally another week has passed and I survived.

I really cant wait for FRIDAYS! LOL!

I finally know and appreciate TGIF!!!

Wait till u all slog, will you know. LOL!

And I am still coping and exploring so wish me luck =D

I don wanna be a highly paid photocopy auntie =X

rush rush rush!

2009-05-11T23:31:00.003+08:00

hello!

first day at Zhangde Pri was wohoo!

LOL not fun but boring!

today was a school holiday but i was to report to sch.

in the end, from 8am i rot till 12nn before leaving.

TORTURE!! lol.

went for the photo-taking and then an induction programme.

seriously, IT IS UBER BORING!

70% of AED are career switcher.

I'm the youngest, fresh grad who signed.

everyone laugh (i dunno why)

after that i'm out with dar dar! =)

shopping shopping for office wear!

bought 2 - 3 sets at Double Index =D

not my money (dar's)

in total, i owe him 380 bucks!! =((

haha! but i always say,

'my money is mine, ur money is mine oso!'

LOL! I learnt from the TV!!!

anyway, a day well spent =D

got a feel of the school and having good feelings so far =)

btw, my desk is BIG BIG BIG!! wahaha!

Ridiculous

2009-05-10T00:55:00.002+08:00

A day's out with dar =D

He bought his IPOD TOUCH! I'm waiting for my turn! So tempting!!!

Tried Teadot cafe. It's not bad =D

Angry over this old auntie who sold us opened wine! So dishonest!

Went to return back and bought it at OG instead =D

Dar dar was uber tired. LOL!

I kept having cramps!

Mon gonna start work. Excited!

More excited for pay to come in! I'm HEAVILY in DEBT!!!

New skin

2009-05-09T00:10:00.003+08:00

Hello everyone!

Just changed my blog's skin =D

I'm the little grumpy toastie =D

Finally, my life is starting to see some light after these months since february. Signed a 3 years contract with MOE in becoming an Allied Educator. I have chosen primary school instead of secondary, hopefully i made the right choice. Monday is my first day, excited and scared. A lot of mixed feelings.

Didnt like my previous job cuz the people there sucks. I'm quite glad to be out after 1 month though there's a little guilt in me for leaving them. LOL but i don give a damn! But my pay they haven give me =((

I don want to grow up!

There's so much things to take into considerations now.

How I wish to remain a child and I don have to worry about anything.

But, it's impossible =(

updates

2009-04-05T14:12:00.004+08:00

haven been updating for very long.

well, a lot of things happened, too many to type here.

1st month of holiday was to be a SLACKER.

worked free lance and hope to make ends meet,

somehow i managed to.

el was hospitalised as well and that was sucky.

worrying for her. luckily she's been discharged,

safe and sound.

have been hoping to find a job really badly as i cant fend myself if i'm still going to be jobless.

finally, i got a job.

with a job, i'm relieved cuz i got money.

but i'm not happy, feeling very moody.

i don like working life, yet for the seek of money, i need to get used to it.

i hate reality.

i hate weekdays and i treasure the SHORT weekend more.

i hate my life now!

having a stable job and doing free lance starhub surveyor at the same time,

it sucks! i need a rest! i'm no wonder woman and i don want to be one!

yet a personality of mine don't know how to say the word, NO, to others.

so i've another task on my shoulders again.

when i'm moody, i misinterpret.

when i'm moody, i cry lots.

when i'm moody, i get unreasonable.

Super Belated 20th Birthday!

2009-03-04T00:28:00.005+08:00

Wohoo!!! Celebrated my belated birthday like the day before with my beloves (JL and EL)!!!

Finally got to meet up with them and yeah great time!!!!

They started off in sending a survey sms to me, then a clue to the place i should go. Sadly, since i've hit 20, my mind was working really slowly. So i couldnt get it and called them. However, the very 2 KIND gers gave me forfeit before i got more clues!! =(

Sang twinkle twinkle little star for a clue of 'J style restaurant'

Said hello to a stranger for a clue of 'when u go in, you get a platinum credit card' (WTH IS

THIS??)

Stupid me still couldnt get it till i see the directory? haha!

It's shokudo Japanese Market (like japanese marche!!)

the food's quite nice!! =)

then we were so full and tada! my cake?! haha!

it's the same cake as JJ bought!!!

Orange choco cheesecake! AWESOME! My fav!!!

then was window shopping and crapping? haha!

watched suspect X tgt.

well, it's like not very nice actually. HAHA!

so draggy and stuff...

the climax came when we were walking to mrt station about to part our ways for home, when...

I LOST THE PRESENT THEY GAVE!!!

I kuku-ly left it on the cinema seat!! =.=!!

I think 20 yrs old made one have accelerated STM!!!

so we hurriedly went back and i was super frantic abt it!!!

luckily the staff didnt threw it away!!! haha!

SO SO SO sorry to the two of them!!!

if it's really lost how sia...

i'll nvr forgive myself lo!!

luckily luckily!!! i think luck's on my side? heez

and yeah, that's for my monday =DD

my 20th birthday came in segments actually.

Actual day - 11th Feb -- Dinner out the JJ after studying for the day *LOVES*

After exams - 26th Feb -- Given presents by Jas and gang =DD

1st March -- Late celebration with JL and EL!! *MUACKS*

I got quite a few accessories for presents!! haha!

GOODBYE PAPERS!!!

2009-02-26T15:31:00.003+08:00

HAHA!!!

FINALLY OVER AND DONE WITH!!!

SP life has just ended with my LAST PAPER!

It's time to party!!!

Bring out the party gears and yell!!!

Gonna have class gathering later =D

That's my first celebration!!!

I'm in love with lambchop!! Not food is dog!!

I need a job =((

FYP goodbye!

2009-02-05T22:48:00.002+08:00

Goodbye forever to FYP! =)

Hello Semester exams! =(

friday

2009-01-23T17:42:00.004+08:00

a fruitful day
finished the pract datasheets
and this marked the END of SP's practical =)
finished the flavour module assignment which we hated as well...
it was ridiculous =.=
but well, it's over.

left with bio assignment, fyp final rush and packaging ppt
then i shall start studying.

i'm really lost with what should i do after graduation.
should i work in food industry and study advanced dip?
should i get my degree through NIE by signing bond?
should i work and a few years later go for a degree?
can someone guide me through this period?

emo-ing is overwhelming me.
i'm thinking at the bad side.
bring me back to the correct thinking path...
for i'm so afraid i'll be lost within
and anything can happen...

loneliness is not the best thing,
neither is it the worst thing.
occasional talkings are good.
and i need to talk soon...

different aims in a couple is yet another challenge...

untitled

2009-01-19T21:10:00.003+08:00

i dunno what is right and what is wrong
i'm just very fed up with myself
laughters are all nothing but lies to me
felt really lost and really wondering
exactly who i am
it's hard to get pass this
and mistakes jus occur so frequently
when i'm in this mode

loneliness is scary
but now
i've gotten used to it
somehow,
i'm liking it

loneliness is my new found friend

SPinnovex Day 3

2009-01-10T21:37:00.002+08:00

It's the last day of SPINNOVEX!
It was definitely such a RELIEVE!
SPINNOVEX leave me SPINNING,
and for that, my mood spins 360 degrees as well!
IT SUCKS!

time passed rather fast with giving out drinks SUPER generously.
having the crappy ppl around and of course JJ as well.
wensu and her bf came too and yeah tasted the drink.
Everyone seem to be in high spirits with the photo taking sessions.
well, for a fact, i'm not, totally NOT!
it's a complicated story and i don want to talk about it.

maybe i'm just thinking too much
but the struggle inside me is too much
and i just feel everything so fake
please let this pass quick
for i cant help but cry

SPinnovex Day 2

2009-01-10T00:08:00.002+08:00

oh well, it sucks totally.
i hated today seriously.
too many reasons for it but well,
so be it, it's over.

but crapping with patrick and guoliang was fun!
i felt so much back in poly year 1.
sometimes i just need to be distracted.
oh! the buffet dinner served was super GOOD!
as in for poly students they are good definitely!
of course we know it's cuz of the industy night.

there's wine too and i drank a sip of white wine
for the FIRST TIME! (have been drinking red)
and i definitely love white wine than red ones.
but the whole cup after my sip was passed to kevin! haha!
i know i cant take the whole cup,
and i don't really like alcoholic beverage.

i felt really bad

and i cried...

SPinnovex Day 1

2009-01-08T22:10:00.004+08:00

it's SP OPEN HOUSE
it's SPinnovex opening

Day one was OMG!

talk and talk,
answering weird questions.
pour and pour,
never ending drinks.
laugh and laugh,
at nonsensical things.
do and do,
we become the karung guni =D

i hope our hard work will be paid off
i want our hard work to be paid off
and i am coming for you A*!

heartbreaks

2009-01-04T23:23:00.004+08:00

why must they be so harsh?
why am i still not accepted by them until now?
what have i done wrong exactly?
why am i always an outsider in their eyes?
what must i do to be accepted?
why is it always like that?

just because of a little mistake and over-look part by me,
and everything is my fault.
and i'm no longer your sister?
i really don't know why the r/s will be so vulnerable.
it has always been.
a little mistake i made and everything is back to zero.
why must i be the odd one out?
why must i be treated like that?

i am human!
i have feelings!
and i value kinship!
but why like this?

untitled

2009-01-04T20:55:00.002+08:00

it's great to see fyp's coming to an end soon.
it's painful to see spinnovex,
when it's not my proj being showcased.
it's hard to believe i'm gonna graduate from my poly years so quickly.

when i cursed and swear during fyp,
it's unintentional and with no harm.
it's all done in a fit of anger.

i just get enough of you =)

(mind you, it's you, not FYP.)

Happy 2009!

2009-01-01T18:19:00.003+08:00

Overview of 2008 in siewsiew's life...

1st quarter - super bad. it was kinda like hell on my emotions, making me struggling hard. FYP selection was a headache when we weren't able to get company projects and needed to go for balloting. The lucky thing was that we obtain a project that we were happy with. SPA was fun when handover was over and everything starts with a new management. siewsiew missed her batch ppl (yuhui, jj, weihong, alvin etc) and px batch who graduated tgt. seeng someone close has graduated was definitely wonderful. bu i missed them dearly as getting to see them was hard. SPA FOC was a blast when it's that first big scale FO camp ever in SPA. outings and trainings made everyone closer tgt tough, till now, only a few upgraders are consistent.

2nd quarter - SPA's night cycling recee bonded me with teddy better. through the talking with yuhui, i confirmed my feelings. MST week was torturous as it's the first ever MST experienced in my poly life. it was him who made things better and i turned 18 June a special day for us. having doubts for the first few months and gotten well wishes from many. my first experience of midnight movie, taking nightrider and ton-ing in sch after that. FYP was a big big nightmare for all of us, when we just seemed to bang the wall the moment we moved forward. was concentrating more on FYP thus frequency in SPA was reduced. went for sea x as a senior and was happily with alumni side. sitting down in a cirle ad killing mozzie, laughinh tgt was nonsensical! Poly 50 was blast. went gossiping night with alumnis at holland v's coffee club and arrow was directed to me and teddy etc. from then, my life in 2008 take a turn - to the happy side.

3rd quarter - FYP and teddy were almost all i've got for this quarter. SPA's activities were clashed thus could not attend and due to my financial issue as well. FYP took for a better when things started to look bettr again. teddy's enlistment was within this quarter as well. before his enlistment, was really really surprised by him =) doubts were lessened and felt so much better when we talk about all things under the sun. he said something to me too making me over the moon! accompained him in his enlistment and i was like his mother. didnt cry as i don feel sad rather i was glad, it's a stage for all man and he has come this far =) was worried of course! but well, everything turned out well =D

4th quarter - teddy's POP! went to see my proud 'son' marched pass and wohoo! super happy for him! then his vocation was given as lifeguard, oh man, he was so demoralised! after a week, jus before the year ends, he was informed that he got his signed on vocation! that made him super high! =) after his POP was KL trip tgt. was nice and i love touring about esp taking a map walking about =) FYP was all on report and report writing, coming back on sundays to do it. =( next was christmas whereby, eve was spent with teddy and chirstmas was with report. teddy and i went marina to write on the white floating balls and silver leaves too! and jus before the new year, we went curry favour for its buffet! then was marina with suxia and px to see fireworks since jj and yuhui were so tired. crap and nonsense with px and suxia! =)

so this was all about siewsiew's 2008!

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!

and in 2009, things done on the first day:
- watched fireworks! super lovely!
- roaming around from marina to city hall to raffles to clarke quay to chinatown to outram to orchard and finally to bugis! (for night-cycling)
- jay-walking in front of police.
- had beancurd.
- fighting with sleep god at mac.
- slp lik a log till 1 plus.
- woke up by teddy presence.
- movie on my laptop =)

sch reopens

2008-12-29T23:25:00.002+08:00

sch repoens...

in a super weird period...

when ppl still having holi...

we are schooling again...

today was a killer..

pract and lesson and lectured by supervisor..

oh well...

tuition after which and i alomst doze off...

super tired with my menses creating havoc..

oh well...

siewsiew is very grumpy...

she should not when new year is nearing...

but she can't help it...

super HIGH!!!

2008-12-27T00:54:00.004+08:00

wohoo! i'm super duper HIGH!!!
HIGH HIGH HIGH SPIRITS!!!

I received Chip and Dale head rest cushion!!!
wahaha!!!
the one i wanted!!!
super HAPPY!!!

I LOVE CHIP AND DALE!!!

I LOVE MICKEY TOO!!!

I LOVE MY FAMILY AND DAR DAR!

christmas

2008-12-25T23:21:00.002+08:00

christmas eve with dar and IP man
christmas with flavour report
what a ~~LIVELY~~ christmas!

oh wells,
i'm glad that at least i gave presents and receive too =)
a pigg magnet!
a sunshie egg mouse pad with wrist rest!

christmas with report is so dead!
so siewsiew found games and played!
county fair, hot dish 2, bejeweled twist!

i'm so drifting away from the report...

and so near the games!!!

Christmas Christmas time is here =)

2008-12-21T21:22:00.002+08:00

wohoo! christmas coming!
they year's coming to an end.
gonna see a BIG 2 on my birthday =(
but my life has not end =D

i wish i wish and i wish...
- a PSP!
- a mp3!
- a wallet!
- sit S'pore flyer!
- a sports towel!
- track shoes for my flat feet!
- a neck cushion!
- a neck massager!
more more more till my christmas socks are burst!!!

siewsiew the greedy pigg... wahaha.

that's why she met a pigg too!

FYP fever

2008-12-20T01:58:00.002+08:00

report draft 1 thrown back
amendments to be made by monday

couldnt get out of house cuz got no keys
waited for sis to come back open door for me
rushed out, went sch to see a RED report
split parts and to meet on sunday

waited for teddy at station to pass keys to me
my little one with the sullen heart reflecting on the face

lunched myself in school
went tuition
went town
had dinner alone
home sweet home

did FYP report
amend till die
changed blog colour and picture
mickey my fav
chip and dale oso can =)

i have 2 ears,

i can lend you one,

if that isn't enough,

i can lend both ears

and free shoulders and hugs

KL trip aftermath

2008-12-18T00:43:00.002+08:00

jus got back from KL today.

went on the 14th night.

came back 17th night.

bought alot of food.

bought a little bracelet for myself.

bought a pair of shoes.

bought nothing else.

watched movie.

walked abt like a tourist for the first time.

loved twin tower.

loved central market.

loved the trip =))

but i want genting!

but i want theme park!

...................................

happening ar!

2008-12-13T20:48:00.004+08:00

truckloads of fun painting the office for an organisation today!

met up with angela, her bf and jj! wahaha!

painting with them is super fun!

with angela's damn weird and cute creativity to paint with plastic bags and me with brush and hands! wahaha!

the devil bullying the couple!

let us out!!! sob!

oh and thurs was out with eelin and junling! wahaha!

it was a belated celebration for our dear bamboo junling! wahaha!

we went to the 镇发活海鲜 buffet at novena (thomson road)! wahaha!

it's funny when 3 girls who don't eat much tried their best to stuff all the food in!

and junling!!!! don get caught doing that again (placing leftover food over another table so we don get fine!) wahaha!

the live prawns that were cooked staring back and JUNLING!!!

eelin and i baked cookies for her! haha!

bought her a super cute lunch box too with the baby spoon! wahaha!

haha! we placed a litte note inside the cookie and

she has to eat and spit out the note! LOL!

super comedy!

went to el's house to do the baking earlier and we were like 2 kukus! lol

but the cookies turn out nice!

and naughty jl for tearing up the paper when she was washing it! =((

this week was really a HOLIDAY for me!

let's not talk abt the FYP report

cuz it almost drives me to my grave (take me nights to clear it up!)

but well, good thing is, it's handed up! wahaha!

oh tues was jj's POP as well!

super happy for him!

now i got him to accompany me for 2 weeks! haha!

and i'm going KL with him and friends!!!

it's my turn to bully him!! wahaha!

let me face reality again after wednesday! haha!

suddenly, siewsiew feels her life is good!

What's MST man!

2008-12-04T20:24:00.005+08:00

with a great Graduation Party, ending with photo taking.

oh! MST's over!!!

FYP's fever back =(

i'm getting myself into

movies!

dramas!

games!

it's the festive season!

Santa's coming soon!! MUACKS!

AX Aftermath

2008-11-26T20:25:00.004+08:00

AX 2008 was over.
Weird and Unique Training methods
that impressed me
Trainees enjoyed, Trainers slog.
Great Job I'll say! *3 cheers*

I'm glad trainers have learnt something upon the talking with them.
I'm glad you guys have realise the manpower importance.
I'm glad you guys know the importance of safety.
I'm glad you guys have proof me right to change my view on you guys,
for i've let go and trust you guys to do the things.

SPA ROX once again!! =D

------------------------------------------------------------------------

MST's round the corner.
started minimal studies.
full of workloads,
full of troubles.

Anw, CLS GRAD PARTY was GREAT overall!
Performance were not bad!
'YOU RAISE ME UP......'
Food was....not that good afterall.
WE ARE HUNGRY PPL! wahaha
Photo-taking was FABULOUS!

I cant understand my abnormalities in actions

I tried hard to think

I thought of reasons

and couldn't understand

the rational behind my actions

was it too painful a past

is it due to the hatred

that caused me to curse and wants to proof

that my life is so much more fabulous

without your presence

if that's the case,

i'm just too silly and childish...

Adventure X Camp

2008-11-21T14:54:00.002+08:00

In a few more hours,
siewsiew gonna be a rural kid
in PULAU UBIN!
I'm gonna come back on 23rd =)

I've got all my anti-mozzie prepared! wahaha!!
Hopefully I'm back with NO bites

MST around the corner but I'm camping?
I hope saturday come fast
so that I will have more company =D
because I'm by myself later =(

Upgraders!
You will grow stronger with AX! =D
Ah ma bless you! LOL

escape

2008-11-16T22:35:00.002+08:00

AX recee was nonsensical.
when out with that batch,
a topic will never leave their mind.
so we started the biology lesson while cycling.
laughters and stupidity throughout.
suddenly i felt a tinge of happiness, =D
learning to accept new found nonsense
will make a person happier.
BUT, that did not reduce my misses
for my past SPA memories. =(

weekends are what i'm looking forward to
every second,
every minute,
every hour,
every day!!

hangouts and nonsensing are my sweet escape...

one load down

2008-11-14T23:47:00.002+08:00

finished packaging report. phew!
rather slow productive rate and
this isn't my usual self =(

oh wells, lots of workload still hanging around.
FYP sucks =(
got to go SPinnovex but not showcasing our product
it's unfair isn't it
well, we are the SAI KANG WARRIORS!
this phrase is so familiar,
it makes me recall the past times i had in SPA
that's the time when i'm still an upgrader and junior committee
that's the time my true laughters and smilles came from
that's the time we flare up on one another, laughed at one another
that's the time we termed ourselves:
SAI KANG WARRIORS

now? separated. no longer as much laughters and fun.
all i face now is work work and more work.
reports after another, datasheets after another, FYP here n there.
i'm drifting more and more away from SPA.
it's the youngsters' time.

siew siew really misses the past.
she rather not move forward and stay in the memories.
she is emo-ing.

sometimes when you are left with no choice

other than obligning

other than doing it

what can one ~~choose~~

let's try to make the best out of it

that's perhaps the only thing one can do

other than ~~emo-ing~~

shouts

2008-11-14T00:18:00.002+08:00

When your life seems ~~upside down~~

Stop your grudges and grumblings

Save up the time and energy

and learn how to

turn your life back to normal

That's the only ~~practical~~ solution

Aftermath

2008-11-05T21:31:00.006+08:00

Berkelah recee was HAPPENING!

Start of Berkelah Recee

Met in school - Packed bags - MRT to Kranji - Waited for latecomers - Crossed customs - To city square to buy water and food - To Larkin - Dinner - Waited for coach - Boarded and sat in coach for 3hrs 40 mins - Reached Kuantan - Slept at Bus Terminal till 6am - Woke up to breakfast at prata shop - Walked to public bus interchange - Waited for bus - Board bus to Berkelah...

Tracked in to Berkelah foot - Reached Berkelah foot - Cooked fast fast lunch - Packed equip - Tracked up to base camp - Felt something amiss (stones suppose to be with water has NO water!) - Continued track - Rest intervals and drank - Reached base camp but we couldn't recognise it due to the change (narrower and lower) - Split into 2 groups (one stay at base camp to do equip and food, one to track up summit and try cliff jump) - Set up tents and build a shelter with taupolin - Cooked rice - Ppl came back from summit - Played and bathed - Dinner - Talk cock sing song play mahjong - Sentry - Prepare for rain as sky turns red and cloudy

At 10pm, sky was in bad condition. At 1030pm, sky has stars again. At 12 midnight, sky turn worse, lightning and thunder followed by downpour. Sentry ppl came into tents. Rain did not stop, got bigger. As I felt it's like a water balloon below the tent, shone torch outside. Didnt see anything amiss so went back to tent. Tried to push the water to other side but failed. Shone torch again and nth. Waited in silence. Then EH commented on his side becoming water balloon as well. Shone out of tent again and wohoo - FLOOD! Went out of tent and level was to my ankle. Picked up all the floating shoes seen and Sheng Yuan came out as well. Shouted opposite for advise. Searched for suitable area to evacuate. Shouted to collect individual's passport. All to follow willard up to the evacuation area. By the time all evacuated, water level is at knee. SY, JY and SL continue to stay at camp site to tie the ends. Brought ropes and taupolin and prepare by tying knots. Called police and search party got ready to track up to look for us. Kept a lookout of the level. Hang on to evacuation area for an hour plus. Checked the campsite and prepare area for all to return. One by one got down and stayed in campsite. SY, JY, SL, Lard, Angela, stayed outside to lookout. Was getting ready should water level rise again. As dawn was arriving, the weather was colder and the drenched us outside were shivering from inside. Used stove to cook water. The heat initially was not helpful as coldness is overwhelming. FINALLY morning arrived! But I was still shivering like shit!

Search Party arrived - Helped the opposite side ppl to come over - Thanked the opposite ppl who helped - Started track down - Did the adventure style of climbing down (half-abseiling, belaying) - Reached foot of berkelah - Talked to police (machiam Earth ppl talking to aliens?) - Thanked police - Lorry out - Waited for officer to arrive - Debrief a little - Officer FINALLY arrived - Talked to officer - Took photos with officer - Heard that we are gonna appear on the local newspapers the next day - Took police van and truck back to Kuantan Terminal - Lunch - Board and sat coach for 5hrs plus - Reached Larkin - SY, Angela and SL went back to S'pore first - Others stayed for dinner - HOME individually

END of HAPPENING Berkelah Recee!

I sensed something will happen and it did. oh well, it's good none got injuries other than normal cuts etc. However, some electronics were gone (cameras, handphones etc) but it's good when all know how to remain calm and just take the impt item - PASSPORT! And it's good that everyone overcome this and yeah! And I thank the police and searched party, the first time I feel the helpfulness of another country's ppl and the Kampung's helping hands!! If everyone can live in this way, helping strangers when needed, I think everywhere will be PEACE!!!

WE HAVE GROWN UP AGAIN!!! When we live through dangers, we are super HIGH!!!

I'm SO HAPPY to be BACK IN SINGAPORE!!!

I'm GLAD to see JUNIORS and UPGRADERS have GROWN UP!!!

I'm GLAD that they have PROVED THAT THEY CAN DO THINGS!!!

It's good to see that EVERYONE IS BACK SAFE AND SOUND!!!

pray for me...

2008-10-30T20:49:00.002+08:00

well, tmr i'll be off to Berkelah.
Done my report and datasheet alrdy. =)

Super worried and weird feeling.
Please let me be safe and sound.
Let me come back safely from Berkelah.

Perhaps it's the first time I'm going with all inexperience ppl.
I'm worried for my own safety.
well well well...
I must come back safely...
yes I must...

emotional crisis?

2008-10-25T00:58:00.003+08:00

too many things to do
too little time

i can't imagine we did FYP from 8am straight till 3pm!
7 hours in lab, didnt even eat lunch, jus morning jas did Mac delivery.
it's hell lot of stress!
rush here rush there. haiz.
it's good it's alright for now. but who knows what might happen.

now piling up high!
FYP report! SHIT!!!!
FYP logbook!!!
Flavours report!!!
Process A datasheet!!!

Berkelah or no Berkelah?
let saturday decide.

i'm tired.

and i don like to feel the way i'm feeling now.

it's ridiculous!

a week

2008-10-20T23:39:00.002+08:00

one week of school passed rather fast.
datasheets, tutorials blah blah.
i am so in love with datasheets yeah.
i am so in love with tutorials yeah.
well that's shit!

oh wells, at least i'm looking forward to weekends,
so that's my motivation to move forward!

anyway people are really suck up man.
well, if you dunno who i'm refering to, don bother to.

well well, music is good for health!
FM SHE is nice!
Jay's new album is wow!
JJ Lin's new album is cool!

music brings me away... far far away... ...

School

2008-10-14T22:33:00.003+08:00

School has started and i'm super not use to it still.
Everyday need to reach at 8am! =.=!!
How to wake up?!

I need more hours in a day.
kinda struggling with things.

i want to do my part for the family.
please bless me through this hard period.
once it's successful, i can help to reduce a little burden.
so please, bless me through.

waiting for my notes to come in and i will get serious slowly.
suddenly i'm worried about my current semester.
the unwanted stress rise upon me.
i will have to learn to curb it.
mistakes must never repeat twice.

my future is blank.
i dunno what i should go
i dunno where i should go

i'm pushing myself too much perhaps.
got to tell myself, 'one thing at a time'

FYP is getting better, with little hipcups here n there.

Jiayou siew siew!
Jiayou Jiayou Jiayou!
and not say sorry for things that had happened.

great saturday

2008-10-06T23:31:00.004+08:00

it's a great saturday out =)
sentosa was absolutely great =)

hope Eil and Eug are happy with our belated birthday celebration with them. glad to see the little upgraders, eug, fel, Eil, suxia, angela, alaric and of course jj!

beach soccer is fun! any o how kick and kick =D
i'm super lousy but i just chase for ball, who cares =P
and going for the Luge ride for the first time is absolute fun!
i wanna go again!
it's definitely worth the money!

cleaned my room today and
that led me down with a RUNNING NOSE! =(
now my room looks a little different. i like the change!
i'm thinking if i should purchase a study table hmmm
tuition was cancelled super suddenly when the mum called to say her daughter is sick.

tmr will be fyp day again
oh wells, report not done but no worries
cuz siew siew gonna take out her speciality - CHIONGING!

but before that siewsiew is tired and she needs to replenish...
good nights

misses

2008-10-01T00:08:00.004+08:00

i kinda miss the fun and laughter
i once had in that club
looking through here and there
i've missed out so much
it seems so unreal for the fun i once had there
it seems it's just fake
it's so short and not lasting
no one rmb your presence
no one bother abt your help before
and no one rmb you
simply 'cause,
there's so much going on
there's so many people
there's so many fakes

that's how life is?
that's how relationships are maintained?
that's all the so called good friends?
then, i will say,
it's pathetic!

but well, i do miss the times.
but i will no longer hold the feelings i once had.

F1's over

2008-09-28T22:20:00.002+08:00

Wohoo! Alonso won the champion for SGP First Night Race!
Great 3 days at work, catching glimpse of cute and fabulous sports car (BMW, Porsche) and also catching the F1 racing cars! Whats more, the F1 racers! they were on the antique cars and waving to audience during the drive pass. It definitely a great experience for me!

I once was,
someone who has nvr knew there's such thing call F1!
someone who didnt know what the hell is F1 till she is being told, it's racing.
someone who nvr really care about the F1 news.
someone who is absolute noobshit on F1.
and this someone has become,
someone who experienced the First LIVE Night Race!
someone who saw with her own eyes the F1 racers!
someone who knows the hot favorites!
someone who saw and heard the swiftness of F1 cars!
and this someone is still excited over F1,
a never before experience and she LOVES it!

ALSO!!! I ate Haagadaz for the FIRST time!
Belgian Chocolate! NICE NICE! Angela's Mango and Passionfruit is NICE too!
$5 well spent! Wahaha!
I left a memorable FIRST TIME in the FIRST SGP Night Race!

Great exposure though the system somehow sucks,
nevertheless, I enjoyed!

Knew quite a few ppl too!
Jiasheng was working with me at the same gate 4
Angela was at gate 6 with Mandy from TP, Fatt was around too!
Knew Xuemin, Mandy, a lot of other gals and also, some guys from TP, NUS etc!
In just 3 days,
I gained great once in a lifetime experience working for F1!
I made lots of crappy friends!
I had fun and laughter!
I had my first time with Haagadaz!
I felt useful around the tourists!
I wasted lots of time for waiting, queuing, slacking.
I find that a person's perception can be changed.

IT'S A GREAT AND LOVELY 3 DAYS!
IT WILL BE MUCH BETTER IF WE DIDNT WORK UNDER SOME SERVICES!

siewsiew is HIGH!

F1

2008-09-25T22:26:00.003+08:00

ohhh!
F1 race gonna start so soon!
working for the 3 days, morning shift!
night i can watch the telecast! wahaha.
i dunno why ppl wanna spend so much on the tix
but for me, i will choose not to even if i have the money.

excitement!
excitement!!
excitement!!!

start your engine!
GGGGGGGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

short but good

2008-09-23T22:49:00.002+08:00

hanged out with JL.
a short hangout is good.
though the hangout was for a mission,
nevertheless, it is good to meet my buds once again.
however, EL is jealous! wahaha!
don worry, i'll date you out soon ok? haha
we can gossip and gossip!
though gossips are bad for health, but girls cant live without!

pay has just come in to my pocket!
happily, siewsiew is a little richer! =D
working hard to earn more!

tmr will be FYP and tuition day.
finally, flavours came in and yeah,
proj can be moved on =D
but well, i do have a 'not like doing' feeling =p

i'm not anti-social! jus plain lazy. =)

looking forward

2008-09-22T22:38:00.002+08:00

F1 is coming!
Went to the briefing,
was super angry with the system,
super cock up and wasted time.
But the things we got are wohoo!
No jeans allowed. sian.
well, i'm at Gate 4 morning and angela's at Gate 6 morning too!
LUNCH tgt please.

School 'talk' today was absolute dumb and waste time.
Jas was fuming over the money spent.
I'm irritated for it disrupt my sleep.
Went there, practically did nothing.
Went to Jurong East Library, returned and borrowed.
Came home and slack till tuition time.

I am super duper sian!!!
PSP!!!
PSP!!!
PSP!!!
I wanna get one!!!

off to reading...

mixed thoughts

2008-09-16T22:37:00.009+08:00

My baby teddy is off to P.Tekong this morning. I sent him in and it was soon 12 noon when we and all others are forced to part. Well, actually throughout the trip it's only an hour we were tgt. Apart from that, I go the tour myself while he go for briefings and rehearsals. I was making fun at one of the banners but well, all are definitely well said The tour was a great one where I get to see all the cool insides! well, not for the SHUAI GE cuz there isn't any. It's so fun if it's not gonna be so strict! wahaha! I wanna join but I don want to be BOTAK! oh and my teddy is now botak and I dunno how will he look like! LOL! I'm afraid I cant recognise him!!

well, I feigned as my teddy's family/relative since the ppl kept calling me that and teddy kept calling me MUM! of course I played along, MY GOOD SON! haha and we acted korean series whereby the girl will call their bf as their name and add a 'ge' behind. and my teddy becomes, JUNJIE GE! wahaha my hair stands, so was his! LOL!

well, when we finally got to part, some parents were like acting drama series! LOL! sorry I cant help but laugh! they ran from one end to the other end of the dining hall as their sons walked to their company. haha then they shouted all the 'take care', 'be careful', 'i miss you', 'come home soon' etc etc! LOL! well, i was only searching for my SON and smiled when i saw him and went off.

and when i'm back on land, i slept on a long bus ride home. yes, it's a great way to let time pass faster. then was home for 2 hours watching tv before i'm out to teach tuition again. back home and i tried to do everything as fast as possible so that when my SON call, I will answer it. well, I failed! in the end, we call and hang and call and hang and call and hang and now my SON is fast asleep!

I only told my SON 2 sentences before we part,
1) I will miss you de
2) You take good good care
simple and sweet

well, it was until when i'm home do I realise that the misses are so great! somehow i felt everything just happened yesterday. =)

sweet love

2008-09-13T22:02:00.005+08:00

watched Lan Qiu Huo(LQH) ep. 7 today.
the past one week has been doing relief teaching.
the experience is definitely filled with
fun.anger.exhaustion.thoughts
i wonder if this experience will be a turning point in my life
or perhaps i will continue to stand firm
and continue the path i had long decided on

results are worrying me after what angela told me
i have always been confident that
I WILL NOT FORWARD!
but now, fear overwhelmed me
and wraps me up so tightly that
no matter how hard i tried to fight free, i failed
i hate suspense!

beginning to have a feeling of lost in my life again
not due to any of my emo-ness
it's just when i give a thought about my life now
and do some reflections on it
i'll just feel lost
what the future beholds for me
it's yet another suspense.

thoughts are overwhelming nowadays
my life
my studies
my relationships
my teddy

should i do something against my will
so that you wont have to go against your mum
or was i just thinking too much on what you told me
and i should just not think too much and not worry
and just be happily with you
baby, i wont want you to go against your mum
but i really do not want to lose you again
that's what has been bothering me
tell me what i should do
to make it all alright

Tomorrow morning
If you wake up
And the sun does not appear
I will be here
If in the dark
We lose sight of love
Hold my hand and have no fear
I will be here
When you feel like being quiet
When you need to speak your mind
I will listen
And I will be here
When the laughter turns to cryin'
Through the winning, losing, and trying
We'll be together
'Cause I will be here
I will be true
To the promise I have made
To you, and to the one who gave you to me
i love you dearly

mixed feelings

2008-09-13T16:48:00.002+08:00

i don want 16 to come so fast
but i want 17 to arrive now
well, that's human.
expecting the impossible.

gathering cum bbq were fun.
alvin u really slim down so much!
getting back is so so so great.
it's seems only yst that we know each other at Berkelah.
the fun.the laughter.the nonsense.the stuns.
all has turned into memories.
hong wasn't around since he jus went NDU!
well, u r missed by everyone!
that's for sure =)

i sense a little amiss
yet i dunno what is it
suspense makes me
worried.frightened.unsound
please bless me through this period
for i don want to experience anymore
pains.heartaches

ungrateful

2008-09-06T00:16:00.005+08:00

a person who cant admit his mistake
a person who find excuses
a person who cant apologise for his actions
a person who is irresponsible
a person whose words are louder than his actions
a person who is just a total
coward.reckless.unreasonable.not even a MAN!

trust u ppl to say such things
i'm totally and utterly disappointed
it's not we enjoy or wanna poke our nose in
we warned and advised but
NONE was taken into your ears seriously
it's true your efforts can be seen but
mistakes and loopholes has to be corrected
if you guys still want to use your CLEVER mind to rule
and not try to listen to suggestions and advice
go ahead, cuz i will be happier
ungrateful is the word!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
NO BBQ =(
NO camp out =((
NO playing =(((
oh wells.

seoul garden is super filling!
teddy and i made our own ice kachang and
I STILL THINK MINE IS NICER!
taste wise, teddy's is more wholesome while mine is healthy? LOL
i don care! MINE IS THE NICEST AND TASTIEST! =p
food fair is WOW! FOOD!!!

bought shoes that only can be taken on tues?
i want clothes but well...
i'm eyeing on something!!! =D
shopping is fun in a way!
being with teddy is even better!

Lan Qiu Huo is so so so FABULOUS!
Yeah Wo Shi SUPERMAN!
Yeah Wo Shi SUPERMAN!
Yeah Wo Shi SUPERMAN!
Yeah Ni Shi LOSER!

teddy rmb what you said to me
every single things
cuz i take it seriously
and placed it safely in my heart =DD

shiok

2008-09-03T23:45:00.002+08:00

swimming was great great!
after so so so long of not swimming, i'm back in waters!
so i'm actually still so in love with swimming! =D
what's more, my teddy is back! FINALLY!
though just 2 plus days but it's kinda long? wahaha
he loves crossing custom!
crossed custom twice can! haha

went to meet him and off to movie time!
MONEY NO ENOUGH 2
super crappy and super touching.
yes i cried and indeed
it really send a big and meaningful msg
right down my heart.
family ties are actually the strongest.
well i enjoy it =)
sushi king isn't nice =(
kinda waste money? haha not mine! =p

i am so so so in love with you!
you are still the one who
can make me happy in no time
can make me sad in no time too
can take away all my troubles fast
i am forever safe with =D

mind in a whirl

2008-09-02T18:49:00.003+08:00

tuition tv eat tv slp
that's my life currently
emotions are easily disrupted still
though i'm not showing it out now
i'm tired

totally disappointed
even more disappointed with the comment
i'm not reading too much in them
i can understand the feeling
how frustrated one may feel
but tat does not mean
my effort can just be treated like that and
go unappreciated
it's not just mine, it's my ppl's
then when it's your turn,
you will be blaming us,
for not correcting in the first place
for leaving you in lurch
but have you guys forgotten,
you are the ones who rejected it
i really dunno la

i hope to find teddy
cuz ony you will let me feel better
but i hold on
staring at your picture
telling me to stop my action
and not give you troubles nor make you worry

i miss my teddy
alot alot alot
feel so lost now
you are really important to me
more than i can imagine

i miss you, amount is infinity.

emotions roller coaster

2008-09-02T00:09:00.003+08:00

Teddy's had a really hard time from me lately.
It's all my stupid emotions fault.
Perhaps i'm just so overwhelmed by emotions and not mind.
I really didnt know what is wrong with me and why did I do that.
I made him furious and disappointed.
I'm pampered. I thought I wasn't. But reality proves me wrong.
Making things hard on people weren't my intentions.
I was selfish. I had myself to blame.
Perhaps it's due to the conditions I grew up in.
no talkings, no heart to heart talks, no playtime with siblings. no love from siblings. jealousy and envy of them talking and playing, happily without my existence. dad over protected me and making me the thorn in their eyes. what's more, little mistakes i made were a big fuss to them.
unaware of the impacts to be so great in my life, greater than i expect.
and the grown up me with low self-esteem is looking for all these since i'm not given any before.
to be respected. to have a known existence. hoping to be loved. hoping to be accepted.
apparently, setbacks occurred. no matter how hard i tried, i either got fooled, got oversensitive or i was jus asking for too much.
i know how bad my temper is. how my emotions always control me.
i will try to change but that's not a guarantee.
perhaps i'm just born to suffer this.
perhaps i should not pull anyone with me.
perhaps i should just be by myself.
it's just too much for me to take it. i was too oversensitive.
over reacting over small matters. reading too much into issues.
i really didnt mean to piss you off.
and i dunno when will the roller coaster erupt again.
i need you yet i know i'm asking too much.
i will try i really will try to change.
will you not give up on me and support me.
scold me just scold me hard in the face.
but don't give up on me, will you.
i know i should walk alone, but i hope u will walk with me.
cuz being with you makes me safe.
cuz you seem to be different.
cuz no matter how bad u say urself as, u didnt know how good u are to me.
u are a gift given to me despite my lousiness.
and i want to treasure you, really.

i'll be awaiting your return patiently.
please return soon, safe and sound.
please not give up on me. please...

super relax!

2008-08-30T00:17:00.001+08:00

wahaha!

EXAMS ARE OVER!

super RELAX!

GOOD BYE NOTES!

Don't vie with teddy cuz u will lose! =P

good nights!

super sweetness

2008-08-28T00:06:00.002+08:00

my heart is filled with sweetness!
my kid gave me a rose and pen for teachers' day! =D
super unexpected cuz i'm a tutor not a teacher? HAHA
my teddy made a drink for me too =)
came all the way down to give me and send me home!
siew siew's heart is so filled with sweetness.
TiAmour = I love you
that's what i wanna say to you.

well, back to my notes.
last paper in the morning!
now my mind is full of equations, formulae and reagents and purpose!
i need more LUCK, more BRAIN JUICES!
before i start to talk like a mad scientist,
this module is best to be OVER AND DONE WITH SOON!!!!

1 more day to FREEDOM!

stop my nonsense

2008-08-27T14:38:00.002+08:00

it's all an act, a bluff.
cant u feel that i wasn't myself, baby?

i find that my emotions are more and more uncontrollable
i find it hard to stop feeling the negative way
i don like it when i am reacting this way

i cant help but feel negative when there's last minute changes
and that spur my stupid emotions to start going hay-wire, uncontrollable.
and there, u will hear me start saying ~~feelingless~~ things,
saying it's ok when my heart is yelling a big fat NO.

and yeah, my mind and heart is finally linked cuz it's clear that,
i miss you,
i need you, and
I LOVE YOU

~~well, i guess it's just part of growing up again.~~

i love you

2008-08-25T23:38:00.003+08:00

i'm gonna mark this day, 25 AUG 2008 at 2230hours!
My baby teddy said something so unexpected to my ears!
shocking.surprising.super uber touched and happy!!
i just kept smiling to myself with ultimate silliness!

baby, u wont know how precious that was to me.
it came out unexpected.
i thot it was just 'i miss you'

i promise to handle this with care and tenderness =D

sadded

2008-08-24T18:49:00.008+08:00

well, i knew it will be lik that.
the dream is true somehow.
it's yet another day of looking at the photos.
it's yet another day of misses,
just that today was stronger.
and yeah, tear filled my eyes... ...

though i understand greatly
and mum told me to think for you
but it's the misses that cuz my tears to flow...
i'll stay strong, i will.
well, playing with hamster do make a difference.

and i didnt even know that fri and sat were the fireworks festival!
yeah i'm sadded again!
~~I DIDNT GO!~~
No teddy
No fireworks
Only notes

WHAT THE FCUK IS THIS!
I'M DAMN DAMN PISSED!

mumblings

2008-08-23T18:39:00.002+08:00

as i mumble and mumble to myself, i'm hoping so much that what i remembered now will not fail me again on tues.
plz plz plz no 2nd time!

imagine u jus keep toking to urself on
- how the food moves and get digested, absourbed and metabolise.
- what RDA is all about and the dietary guidelines vs food guide
- how must food be labelled
- how nutritional assessment is taken
WOW WOW WOW! tat's a whole lot of chunk!!!

what's more, tmr will be the nutrition from pregnancy till elderly!
KAO! I think i am so gonna die over this!

well, i think it's my pillow's problem for my headache!
i woke up and i feel my neck super painful and my headache came back!
=(((((
yeah! i'm allowed to sleep at 12.30am today!
Not 11.30pm cuz I just cant sleep well.

i didnt and cant see my teddy today =(((((((((((((((
very very very SAD SAD SAD!!!
did u feel my sadness yst night?
today i felt slightly better but i'm still sad!!!
i only can stare and look and smile at my handphone's wallpaper...
well, tat'll be enough,
ENOUGH FOR NOW i mean.

i gotta go back to my nutrition labelling and assessment!
baby baby here i come and hug till
I STRANGLE U!
then i can go to teddy and hug all i want!

disappointed

2008-08-22T11:27:00.003+08:00

yesterday's paper was a screwed up.
i swear i studied and rmb hard into my brain!
yet failed to pour it out when i asked it to! WTHELL!!!
I think i gave how several marks back because of that! SHIT!

well, and this group of Yr 1s guys who happily laughed away with the marks they gave back!
A: aiya i sure fail by 40 marks!! (wat sia?! so total marks only 10/100)
B: aiya forward again lo... (forward liao still forward? how many years wanna stay in SP? =.=!!)
C: hahaha... fail lo
D: accompany me forward ar! (-.-)
when i heard this, i feel like scolding them? haha not that i bother but they are kinda a disgrace! so SP do have black sheeps.

met teddy and my tears flow.
it was uncontrollable.
i blame myself, really blame myself.
i scold my brain for being so naughty, keeping the answers when it wasn't supppose to.

btw, my teddy is working hard to be chocolate bar and not kinder surprise! HEEZ
no matter what shape, size, u r still my same sweet teddy la! =D

and i kept my promise to sleep at 11.30pm but my brain just doesnt wanna slp and thus, i'm lik tossing and turning =( it wasn't a good sleep. but i did wake up at 8.30 after teddy's call and i studied =)

ohh! honey oatmeal is NICE!!!
oatmeal is just so filling no matter how much you eat =.=

but not getting to see teddy today is SAD SAD SAD!!!
i wonder when can i stop hugging my notes tighter than teddy.
it's just so so so long long long =(((((((((((((((((((((((((((

save the words in your stomach not inbox
as your stomach will convey the words to your heart
and warms it sweetly =)
i wanna see your sweet smile when you feel it, teddy

wow wow!

2008-08-18T01:27:00.002+08:00

the 101th post from siew-siew.blogspot!
i guess my previous blogs could have add to a total of 500 - 600 posts in total if i've not closed those blogs.
perhaps closing a blog is like closing a chapter in my life.
opening another new blog is me embarking on a new journey, in search of new things and people.

today was a super short-tempered day for me.
morning was fine with hearing teddy's voice first.
when i realise i got no food, it spoils my day.
went tuition and super sleepy and having headache
went 2nd tuition and lose a little temper with headache getting worse
went back to school to study but slept a while first due to headache =(

teddy came and bought me breakfast cum lunch cum dinner - mushroom horfun!
wahaha! i was so so so happy to see that and fill my stomach fully with it!
of course, the happiest is still seeing my teddy!
but i'm a good girl, i shared it with teddy! =D
spread my love for mushroom to him!!! wahaha!
started my mugging for an hour or two and i cant take it as my headache sets in again =(

talked alot alot with teddy
love to listen to his 'glamorous' history!
love to listen to what his heart is telling!
and simply listening to teddy voice! =)
~~i talked alot as well and tears welled up in my eyes.~~
well, it's the stupid hanging in mid air feeling, that's why.
well, it's what matters now.

teddy knows it well and he is super cunning to make me say those words so many times!
well, keep it and hold it tight in your heart cuz that's truely for you.
wo ai ni - TiAmour

your words

2008-08-16T00:56:00.004+08:00

studied studied and studied...
AUGUST is a BAD MONTH!
I want August to go away, go as far as possible.
Life is so NO LIFE cuz all I can do is STUDY.
I got to hug my notes tight and make sure it don't fly away
even tighter than hugging teddy
What's more, comes tuition after studying =.=
well, the tuition is not that bad cuz my 2 kids are really cute =)
then I have to get back to studying when I get home.
though my hands and eyes just cant leave my more beloved lappie,
cuz there's spree-ing
cuz there's emails
cuz there's chats
cuz there's TEDDY
my beloved TEDDY!

he always seem to make things right
when he got me embarrassed and we laughed it off tgt
the way he always whisper sweetly into my ears deep to my heart
it just keep playing back in my heart
and never fails to make me smile
when what he says are so sweet and honey-fied!
i choose to believe every single bit and deep down
my guard is let off
so dardar, plz don't don't let me down to the ground hard

It's love

2008-08-15T14:17:00.003+08:00

I love you with all of my heart

With a love I just can't control

Its a feeling thats not just a bond of our hearts

Its more like a bond of our souls

To hold your hand is not just a sweet jesture

Its a connection of my life to you

To kiss your lips is simply perfection

Its all my lips want to do

To tell you I love you is not to speak mere words

Its my heart screaming out from within

Put your ear over my heart and listen

It wants to tell you over and over again

I love you

study cum spree

2008-08-14T02:51:00.003+08:00

just decided to end the study session for the day.

super tired and not very but quite productive day.

studied from 11am plus till 4pm

tuition from 4.30pm to 9.15pm

dinner at 10pm

study at 11pm till 3am

wow wow wow~

well, there are intervals that i chatted online, surfing net and spree-ing!

i just told mummy that i got TEDDY!

she started her 'SUANING' session on me for half hour?

she got super interested about teddy,

and super happy me started replying replying replying with smiles! =D

you wont know how happy i was!

i just want my parents to know there is teddy's presence in their daughter's heart and life!

in just 4 days, purchased online 1 dress cum skirt, 1 jacket, 1 top and 1 spag top for a total of 56 bucks!

well well well, siewsiew is really kinda crazy from studying to be spree-ing so much!!!!

rest assured, this is all I gonna buy until my next pay! =)

and I am SAVING! I am proud too! =D

never never leave me for someone else, will you?

when i fall in love with you

2008-08-10T23:17:00.002+08:00

Love is ... ...

not 2 forget but 2 forgive,

not 2 see but 2 understand,

not 2 hear but 2 listen,

not 2 let go but 2 HOLD ON =)

Don't ever leave the one you love for the one you like,
because the one you like will leave you for the one they love.

Find one,
who calls you beautiful instead of hot.
Who calls you back when you hang up on him.
Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead.
Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats.
Who holds your hand in front of his friends.

Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and
how lucky he is to have you.
Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, '...that's her.'

my promise for you was sealed on 08/08/08.
a promise i didnt regret giving.
and up till now, i am still happy with my decision,
when i asked for your heart.
i'm glad u r into my life once again.

dar, i want no one else anymore in my heart other than you.

Happy National Day

2008-08-10T00:45:00.005+08:00

It's 43rd National Day!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! DEAR SINGAPORE!

Wasn't able to catch the fireworks and great performance as I got to help HokeYoong with his pushcart! Worked from 5.30 till 9pm. Before that, went out with Teddy!

Went up the hill behind my house and embark our journey to the Alexandra WAVES! He was FASCINATED! Indeed he is!! LOL!

Luckily I brought him to walk the correct side of the bridge as the other side that goes to Henderson Arch just wasn't as beautiful and I won't be able to see his FASCINATED face! =D

KFC was next and we were so damn sick of eating as it's so filling with OIL! it is really scaring me and I guess i wont eat KFC again for the next 2 months i guess.

Mudpie after work was great! But my stomach wasn't feeling very well ever since eating KFC and thus, the mudpie somehow made it worse for my stomach although it is SUPERB!!!

I played NFS in Teddy's PSP and I'm really easily nervous and agitated! LOL! I almost wanted to turn the PSP physically when the reaction of my car is so SLOW! LOL!

I'm addicted to PSP!

I'm addicted to Teddy too!

8 August 2008 - 080808

2008-08-08T22:40:00.002+08:00

080808!

Olympics started!

FYP sensory was good =)

Last lecture sessions!

Studied food safety!

Having terrible flu =(

Teddy sent me home! =DD

today's lecture was super dumb.

did tutorial and imagine our lecturer flirt in front of us!

she showed ultimate biasness!!!!

Guys, don name yourself Michael if you are gonna be taught by our lecturer!

'cause, you can't grieve for unfairness! LOL

Sensory was not bad but was super time consuming

It made all of us tired tired and more tired.

Led me to slept in club for an hour before studying.

Teddy bought me Panadol Cold and Flu Hot Remedy!

It didn't really taste nice =(

but I still drank it down fast.

Thanks my teddy! <3

I wanted to say but I'm scared and shy =X

laughters

2008-08-07T23:01:00.002+08:00

Poly 50 comes to an end
not with a big blast though.
this year NDOC and Poly 50 were tied tgt for celebration.
Poly 50 was not bad.
The spirit was high. =)

Went dinner with Alumnis!
Was definitely full of laughters and gossips!
We are probably promoting for free for
ZEN OPEN CONCEPT!
Everything is just about OPEN CONCEPT!
I miss laughing so crazily and happily.
It's been so long since I actually laughed so heartily out.
The last time when I laughed so heartily out was nearly a year ago.
Thanks to the ah laos! =D
It was absolute nonsense!

Teddy and I were so tired that we got home and bathed and SLEEP!
Poor teddy gotta work from 9am to 9.30pm! wahaha!
Hope what i provide you with is enough to keep you going!

FYP went on well. tmr there's sensory!
whoever can make it do come any time from 1230 to 1530 at T234!!!

while on my way to sch today, siewsiew got shock!
I was on 105 and this father and a student started quarreling cum fighting?
well, they just keep shouting and shouting and even called the police.
I was in such a hurry but the bus just wont move =.=
if i wasn't wrong, it was due to the student who kept pushing the seat (legs long?) and oso use alot of vulgarities. I dunno was it on the father or just on the phone.
somehow the father got agitated as his son was frightened?
so that's how it started. then police was called and i dunno wat happen cuz the bus finally move and I alighted.
What is shocking is that the son actually got so agitated that he said, 'you touch/kill my father, i will kill your family!' WOW!!! and the kid look only 7 to 8 years old!
national day coming liao still want to fight and fight. =.=
don u guys know what is PEACE AND HARMONY?! AIYO! send you all back to school ar!

I so so so so so miss my teddy even though i just see him yesterday!

sweet sweet love

2008-08-05T23:51:00.002+08:00

L change the world is NICE!
watched it only yesterday. LOL

Taught tuition from 6 till 9pm =.=
extra free an hour! wahaha

i'm tired, very tired
the hot hot weather is affecting my emotions and behaviour heavily!
i don't like it =(

teddy is my hand warmer! =D

your presence

2008-08-05T00:08:00.003+08:00

toured IKEA with teddy!
we ALMOST turned the place upside down! LOL
and my lovely teddy sent me home!! =D
i'm his blissful gurl!

dar, it's your presence in my life that matters.

crybaby

2008-08-03T22:31:00.003+08:00

i'm a crybaby for the day.

cried watching drama series

cried reading at 2 gals' blog whom bf passed away

lots of thoughts and fears got into me

leading to unstoppable tears

i was so frightened that i couldn't stop my tears.

teddy was helpless i guess.

we talked about it and my tears slowly ceased.

at the instance, i got such a strong urge to hug you tightly in person, cry on ur shoulders and whisper a few words into your ears.

siewsiew i'm a crybaby today says (10:19 PM):

dar dar 可以答应我不要离开我吗

Jae ~ (@home) enlisting on 16/09 BMT school 2 says (10:24 PM):

i wont

Jae ~ (@home) enlisting on 16/09 BMT school 2 says (10:24 PM):

i promise

包容你宠坏你守着你

是你让我一辈子愿意

除了是心痛我什么都可给你

爱了就不怕伤心

聆听你附和你纵容你

我会永远不放弃

下定决心天下再美丽

我最爱的只有你，俊杰

vulnerable

2008-08-03T14:19:00.003+08:00

love r/s is vulnerable

i thought friendship isn't that vulnerable

but i was wrong.

suddenly i realise, family relationship is the only r/s that isn't very vulnerable.

no matter what happens, you can forgive and forget and after that, it's a happy family again.

but i guess, because family r/s isn't that vulnerable, most people tend to take this for granted.

why must treasure always come after losing?

i really dunno what is wrong or what have i done wrong.

we merely have a talk and i never spill anything out.

if this leads to my treatment today, well, let it be.

but because i care very much about this, my heart aches and my tears fall.

if friendship is so vulnerable, what should i do?

it's disturbing and it takes my concentration away.

QUIZZZzzz

2008-08-02T14:39:00.003+08:00

I was tagged by FELICIA! >.<

well i shall do it too! for u only wor! LOL

QUIZZZzzz

A) People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs.
B) Tag 8 people to do this quiz & those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by & cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by.
C) Continue this game by sending it to other people.

#1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
trust is one essential item in r/s. if he misuse my trust, what's the r/s going to be? and what's the point of the r/s?

#2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
everyone has a partner and the world is simple and happy!

#3. What will your dream wedding to be like?
perhaps a garden or sky one? somewhere really beautiful!

#4. Are you confused as to what lies ahead of you?
the confusions come and go time to time.

#5. What's your ideal lover like?
someone who truly loves me and i love him too.

#6. Which is more blessed? Loving someone or being loved by someone?
loving someone who loves me too.

#7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
until my love for him stop.

#8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
it doesnt mean that if u really love the person, you have to be with him.

#9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
of course! life's like a see-saw. it just goes up and down.

#10. Is being tagged fun?
not really?

#11. How do you see yourself in 10 years time?
a teacher? alrdy married happily and maybe pregnant with my first beloved child?

#12. Who are currently the most important people to you?
everyone who hangs around in my life esp my family and teddy and buddy friends!

#13. What kind of person do you think the one who tagged you is?
haha crazy little girl deeply in the love potion!

#14. Would you rather be rich and single or married but poor?
er, i wanna be married even though poor first. then we can work hard to be rich!

#15. What's the first thing you do every morning?
open my eyes

#16. Would you give all in a relationship?
after 1 to 2 months depending on cases. i wont wanna have regrets.

#17. If you fall in love with 2 people simultaneously, who would you pick?

erm none? if u love 2 person at the same time, it just means ur heart is confused and the love isnt true. one heart is for me and the one person only. 2 or more of the ppl will be too crowded.

#18. What type of friends do you like?

true ones of course

#19. What type of friends do you dislike?
erm if i don like, they wont be my friends

Tagged by: FELICIA

i am gonna tag the following people now!

Jennifer, Edmund, Shu Zhen, Lina, Mellisa, Eugene, Charlotte, Kelly

i realised

2008-08-01T23:57:00.003+08:00

Garden Festival is really COOL! AWESOME and ABSOLUTELY LOVE!

took quite a number of photos of their design but decided to post only some =)

this was at the wedding design =)

Jae with a China guy and me with the lovely, sexy woman!

Jae's beloved!

i especially love this!

simple and brings out the natural-ness!

it's just LOVE!

caught Chi Bi as well and it rocks!

i am so excited for their Chi Bi Zhi Zan!

i was so so so euphoric to see my TEDDY!

spent wonderful hours of thurs tgt and i really enjoy and love it!

teddy bought a new camera as well and he is HAPPY!! =)

however, the night didnt end very well.

i got kinda emotional due to some issues.

didnt realise i was being unreasonable and selfish.

i only thought of myself at the point of time.

utter disappointment of myself.

i'm so sorry teddy.

it was Jas's words that enlighten me somehow.

i didnt know i wasn't being fair to teddy for my actions.

how can i actually in a way compare the words and blame him?

i thot it was not comparing but when i thought abt it after wat jas said,

i couldnt have a better argument to back myself up.

indeed i did compare in a way.

i was very sensitive over this issue, felt totally off track.

my ex once said this, 'cuz it's something new and naturally you spend more time with it.' this was the description he used when i asked why there was a change in attitude in the r/s. can anyone imagine how i felt at the point in time?

~~felt totally rotten.~~

~~felt the whole world seem to be crashing on me ALONE!~~

~~felt stupid.~~

~~felt redundant in his life.~~

~~felt my love for my ex was being taken for granted.~~

of course my teddy wasn't like that but i think i just got over sensitive and got into some emotions crisis, placing him in a rather difficult position. i jus couldnt think right and negative side filled my mind faster than the positive. i don like myself being compared to non-living and material things, or simply i don like to be compared. reason, i will definitely lose.

i'm really sorry to my teddy for what happened yesterday and my attitude. i know it was unforgivable and saying sorry jus doesnt help. i have faith that you wont do such things to me. it was jus a fear casted in me, not your fault. i'm sorry my teddy. really i'm sorry.

i was such a fool

2008-07-30T22:02:00.002+08:00

yesterday was the worst day i ever experienced

i felt so much like a fool, an absolute fool

being in such a situation, embarrassed.

i was lost of words.

anger, disappointment and sadness,

all came into me in a flash.

i hated it and i wished it just never happen.

i appreciated totally when teddy tried his best to comfort.

it's not what you said that made me better.

it's was what i felt, your effort and care for me.

i felt your effort and care for me.

it was what i needed most.

thanks teddy, my forever teddy piggy

lost my temper towards Dennis in class today

I'm sorry about it. truly sorry about it

tomorrow is a NO LESSON day!

Bao Bei you make me smile everyday

Your words just melt my heart away
I can’t explain to you why this is so
But that feeling continues to grow
My head is always in cloud nine
Hoping in my heart that you are mine
I just want to be yours forever
That this love is my last endeavor
No more searching in loving vain
No more longing, my heart in pain
You’re making me wish for so much
A loving kiss and your tender touch
This dream to continue without end
To be your lover and best friend
I am yours and always will be
As long as you can guarantee
To love and protect me each day
Cherish my heart in the same way
That I am giving to you my own
Making me yours, let it be known
That you are mine forever true

some load off!

2008-07-29T00:52:00.002+08:00

siewsiew handed in her formal report!

printed the case study!

did some HACCP!

franchise presentation was officially OVER and DONE with!

did my part for technical poster!

now my only job is continue on HACCP =)

went tuition today,

super duper tired and my tuition kid just cant stop talking! LOL

i didnt get to see my teddy today.

i can only see him on thurs =(

i'm super not on form now,

always falling asleep. =(

and i jus miss my teddy.

i miss you!

i will treasure every moment we are tgt.

so that when you are not around,

i wont miss you too much.

pictorials

2008-07-27T23:52:00.004+08:00

pics shall do the toking again =D

this was suxia and me before shape run! =D

this is suxia and me after shape run! we still have the radiant smile! =D

this is the cutest chipmunk i ever seen so far!!!

the first thing i saw was this when i entered teddy's house! =D

today my teddy gave me this watch! so so so cute!!!

when you tilt the screen to an angle, heart shapes are form!!

so simply cute and gorgeous!!

and before i get this watch, i was in a guessing game and also 'put your hand in to feel' game! wahaha! i seriously was a little afraid when i put my hand in!

when u scold me,

i got angry.

when u tried to humor me back,

i smile from my heart again!

you are the one who makes me smile from my heart.

a sense of relief

2008-07-26T01:11:00.002+08:00

felt so great when some of my burdens are off my shoulder!

formal report done!

technical poster about done.

FYP is falling in place.

Franchise assign is going well.

case study done!

the video not yet =(

well it really isn't easy job!

met up with my teddy just now!

so happy happy happy!!!

it's a reward that i get from all the hard work done the day before.

spent quality time with teddy is always the best thing on Earth for siewsiew!

although siewsiew fell into a little emo-ness,

she enjoys every single bits with teddy dar!

i wanna learn flip!!!

i wanna master flip!!!

i wanna escape from reality!!!

i miss my granny,

really misses her alot.

i rmb when i get to talk and play with her.

i can see the joy she had when someone talked to her.

she was such a caring and lovely granny of mine.

it's been almost a year since she left me.

when i heard abt teddy's grandparents,

i felt a sense of envy in me.

i can no longer have my granny's love and care.

i can no longer feel her.

other than envy on others, i can have nothing anymore.

my dearest granny, do u know how much i really love you?

do you know how much i really miss you?

and how i wish you are still with me.

granny, can you hear me from where you are?

and siewsiew teared and felt pain in heart when she typed this entry...

wow!

2008-07-23T02:49:00.002+08:00

my report almost done!
wahaha in jus 4 hrs!
Completed 2/3 of it.
shall continue tmr.

my eyes are tired and painful =(

i miss my teddy so much!
getting to see him and
spend jus an hour tgt to go home is really great
both are busy but we still make out time for one another
i definitely love spending time with teddy
i want to hug you tightly!

i'm so so pleased to hear that we both have good feeling in this r/s =D
my forever and only dar dar!

keep my cool

2008-07-22T21:27:00.002+08:00

we are all little stressed piggies! =(

a lot of assignments and so little time.
- Franchising presentation on 28/7
- HACCP factory plan on 30/7 and present on 8/8
- Palm oil technical poster by 4/8
~~- Case study group tutorial by 1/8~~
- GEMs role play CA2 on 30/7
- Food Legist. Formal Report before 30/7
there are just still so many undone work! =(

somehow all seem to lose temper easily.
emotions swayed easily and stronger than anything.
some are falling apart, others start emo-ing
even i myself am falling apart.
who can really understand how i and even others are feeling currently?
everyone faces different amount and type of stress and how can there be a comparison?

today did the case study tutorial finally.
wasnt able to start the HACCP due to lack of information.
went to run 2.4km today, luckily, i managed to make it in time.
thurs is NAPFA and i am worried.

i'm waiting for my teddy currently at long john =D
thanks a lot to him for hearing all my grumbles
thanks for your advices
thanks for your tolerance and care
thanks for being just there
millions and millions great gratitude to you.
somehow, somewhere inside me is telling me something,
siewling, you have made a correct choice.
treasure him with all your heart.

STRESS! =(((

2008-07-21T23:59:00.002+08:00

super duper lots of work and assignments given in a short period of time.
everything due so fast and we simply is running out of time!
FISH all lecturers who did this to us!
FISH FISH FISH!

everyone seems to be falling apart and i am too actually.
but we cant afford all to fall apart at the same time!
come on piggies!
we are all half way through the race to shake off the burden
y want to stop sia? we jus gotta do n do now
everyone is stress but we shall find laughter in the stress
even if it's bitter ones
don lose heart! =D

i'm like stuck in a super small box!
leaving me unmovable, unbreathable
and i cant break apart and free myself!
i really don like this feeling!
HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

when ppl ask, i proudly sae it's u

2008-07-20T16:47:00.002+08:00

Batman and the joker is FABULOUS!!!
Great actions and animations!
Great acting skills!
A total of 4 thumbs out of 5 for me!
Catch it! you'll love it! =)
of course catching it with teddy added an additional star! =DD

i have tried hip flip! =D
like FINALLY i can learn!
i wanna flip more till i master it!

SHAPE RUN 10KM was COOL!
i can proudly sae that i completed it without any stop!!!
definitely i love the experience and suxia's running accompany!
nonsense-ing with px and suxia was GREAT!!!
i miss the times we crap last time!
wanna try 21km? i'm still thinking abt it =D

well of course i wanna blog abt my teddy for sure!

July 18,
a month since i asked for your heart =D
eating at waraku pasta, movie, cheese cake and staying out!
although both of us are tired, but enjoyment overrides all.
nonetheless, you are really still the cutest! =D
tons and loads of hugz to u!
ur honest answers to my curious questions,
not only give me the greatest thing in love r/s called 'assurance'
it also clear my doubts.

love is a promise
a promise that can last happily ever after
a promise that can cause misery if broken
don make this promise until ur heart says so
that you and your partner are the 'right' one

My precious

2008-07-16T00:18:00.003+08:00

I could still remember when

Your heart met mine

I recall those heart to heart

It gave the feeling of affinity

That always felt so right
I remember the times to share

Assured by loving sincerity

I have the fond recollections

I still hoped for continuation

In sharing all the above

Conveyed in the heartprints

With never ending love

teddy, i love you!

SEA X was successfully over.
the reward was bite bite and more itchiness! =((
i'm glad that my little juniors have grown up again =)
upgraders who have gone through it were great too!
talking nonsense with wh on boat was simply NONSENSE!
being with my teddy makes me so so so LOVED!

mon in class was a slping day.
slp and slp for like all the lessons except the test and last lesson. =X
brenda lee even asked wat was wrong with me for always being so tired. LOL

movie-ing on mon!
great great HELLBOY II! wahaha.
not a bad show but i guess i was too tired,
didnt really concentrate well but the show is NICE!
then my teddy goes, 'just cant smile w/o you, i cant smile w/o you......'

damn funny

but i do feel a little titch of warm and happiness! =D

when can i recover the lethargic-ness --> after camp syndrome =(

i decided to take up a new job.
i wonder if it is the correct choice.
teddy's words were very impt to me.
when i knew u werent very supportive,
i did thought of dropping it.
but in the end, i want to take it up,
because of your words as well.

simple words yet meant a lot to me.

teddy, you are impt to me.
i don want you,
because i need you.

Sea X

2008-07-11T01:35:00.002+08:00

siewsiew gonna go Pulau Hantu for this weekend
it's SEA X!
i pray for everything to be well. =D
teddy's going too! whee~

done up fyp stuff! =D
big load off me! happiez!

the following week is gonna be hectic for me!
datasheets X 1
individual report X 1
group report X 2
i hope that week doesnt exist =(

i jus want to lean on you
close my eyes
knowing you are so close me
i feel safe and sound
simple words - i miss you every single bit of my life

Pictorias

2008-07-08T23:30:00.000+08:00

it's been long since photos do the work =D

big smiles! teddy and me!

MOE event in SUNTEC on saturday! was helping SP to promote new CLS courses.
free labour =.=

today my teddy bought me chocolates!!!
HE: is your mouth big enough for a 1.5cm by 1.5cm cube?
ME: HUH?! What you toking?
HE: Close your eyes and cant peep.
ME: *worried* er er er...
i thought it was a prank initially.
pop into my mouth was my long crave!
ORANGE CHOCO!

that moment was really indescrible in words.
when i savour the great taste of it, when it jus melts in my mouth. the feeling was heavenly!
what really made it best was my teddy's thoughts in it.
when it melts in my mouth, it melts my heart really.
i felt a great sensation going through inside me,
the time just stopped for a second for me to feel and appreciate my teddy's surprise.

i couldnt say much, i couldnt express how blissed i felt at that point in time to teddy.
i just kept saying thank you and it's so sweet of you.
but the great feeling is more than just these words.
the kisses i returned you were with extra loves and thanks.
i really hoped the moment to last longer cuz i love the feeling
you gave me at that point in time.
no matter how well i try to convey it here in words,
it can nvr be able to convey the exact feeling i was feeling.

simple sentence to end - the feeling was happiness and bliss from teddy.

Love is forever

2008-07-07T23:17:00.004+08:00

做了朋友那么多年
而我们始终没改变
单眼皮的笑偶尔遍着嘴角
我们的快乐从不冷掉

生活上喜怒哀乐一起分担
渐渐的我们无所不谈
不假糖的咖啡都不绝得苦
你加上我加上爱等于幸福

我不要你把我推给别人去疼爱
我对你的心是百分之一百
你给的笑你的习惯
那么实在

我早已对你产生了依赖
一天天一年年启程的爱
love is forever, forever love

如果爱情是需要一点苦涩
才能够找到属于自己的角色
原来爱情是需要一点眼泪
不只是单纯享受幸福的滋味

this song is proudly dedicated to teddy! =D
i typed the lyrics out by myself cuz i couldnt find it online =))
hearts and misses